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Nicci Statham

Human, Not AI

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comfort zone

Should Others Communicate Differently?

So…are you willing to accepting others just as they are?

Come and explore how to get aligned with reality.  Find out how you can be in conversations 100% and create the results you want in your leadership.

Join me in a FREE 1:1 45minute discovery session!  I can’t wait to hear from you…

Book FREE 1:1 Coaching Discovery Session

Bye for now…

Nicci

3 Ways to Expand Your Limits

expand your limit1

I had a physiotherapy appointment last week to review my progress and something very unexpected happened!  An epiphany!!

My physiotherapist and I were chatting about the level of pain I was having and how this was better or worse since I’d been doing my physio exercises.  I was explaining that I’d been doing yoga the night before and I’d started to get uncomfortable pain so I’d pulled back and hadn’t completed some of the yoga activities.  My physiotherapist said, ‘so you stop when you get pain?’ and we carried discussing how I normally handle that.

Then my physiotherapist started to explain that some pain was good, and that I woundn’t damage my body by having some pain.  He also explained that going slightly beyond pain that each time would enable my current physical limit to be expanded.

Well…a light bulb went off in my head!!  I thought YES I am limiting myself because when I feel discomfort/pain or what I judge as ‘too much’, I become fearful I will damage my body – so I stop.  Then I pondered a very important question…where else do I do this in my life?  Where else, when I reach my ‘comfortable’ level of discomfort, do I pull back?

This was an extremely exciting observation for me and since then I’ve been intrigued.  As I result I have been actively practising being with my ‘discomfort’.  How often in our work and personal lives do we pull back, disconnect or avoid if we are out of our comfort zone?  Will this ultimately limit personal and leadership development?

In the case of my physio, this is actually really important because to reach improved resilience and strength my body needs to go beyond its current limits.

So consider these 3 things to question and expand your limits:

  • Discomfort – what makes you uncomfortable and what would it take to move beyond this discomfort?
  • Truth – what are you fearful will happen if you move beyond your current comfort level, what’s worse case scenario?  Is this true, really?
  • Next Step – What is 1 thing you could do to practise stepping beyond your current limit?

Come and explore how to get beyond your current limits in a FREE online preview for The Power of Purpose course with me on Wednesday 27th April 6:30-8pm.  You will be encouraged to explore where your current limits are and how this is affecting your results.

Change your behaviour, change your results…Go on, take a risk!

FREE Online Preview…book here: Book FREE Power of Purpose Preview

Authentic or Auto-Pilot?

imperfect

I’ve had some fascinating conversations this week about what gets in the way of creating results and being more authentic more of the time…what does it take to drop the persona and be real?

If we truly want to create results in our lives and connection with others in our work and personal lives, how can our personas deliver that?  Time and time again there it is…our trusty persona gets in there first when we are really crying out to be real…to be liked for who we are…be at peace…be connected…be enjoying the journey.  We can easily get into portraying ourselves as a human being that looks us, talks like us but does absolutely no justice to who we really are.

This reminds me of reflecting some months ago when I was watching the news on TV, hearing discussions about various different people and what they had ‘done’.  Along came all the judgements and evaluations as if there is this perfect human being that everyone should aspire to become.  Who knows what that is I thought?  Who is this person that ticks all the boxes?  Is there an epitome to be reached where we there is no suffering and we are happy, responding perfectly, never making a mistake 100% of the time.  Is that even realistic?

This is how our persona behaves.  Being presented on auto-pilot as if we have to behave a certain way to not be ‘found out’ or not show that we are human.  And there are many personas to choose from…’I’ve got it all sorted’…’poor me, look what’s happened, life’s unfair!’…’I have to put myself aside and help others’…and many more…

What if this is it?  This is how it is.  There is never going to be a perfect way to be.  How about embracing all the challenges as they are and you as you are.  How about acknowledging that you are doing your best with what you have – at any given moment.

What would it be like to live a life like that?

‘Life is not a problem to be solved, it’s a mystery and a journey to be lived’

Come and explore how to be more You more of the time in a FREE 1:1 45minute discovery session with me.  You will be encouraged to show the real you and we will explore the number 1 thing that keeps your persona going.

I can’t wait to hear from you…

FREE 1:1 coaching discovery session…book here: Book FREE 1:1 Coaching Discovery Session

Renovate or Resist?

Life is an echo2

I’m teaching one of favourite courses at the moment – The Power of Purpose.  This is a course I am extremely passionate about, the tools have the propensity to completely shift one’s state from limiting fear to open possibility.  This is transforming, both for life and in terms of what each of us creates in the world.

Whenever I am teaching this course my learning is always rich and evoking.  This week I am almost seeing a beauty in how the very thing I am teaching about is being played out in parallel before me in other projects I am working on.

All this has reminded me of a big project I passionately wanted to create a while back – my hope (or as it turned out expectation) was that I would be met with open arms, trust, support, encouragement, acknowledgement – the reality was fear, limits, scarcity, bullying, exclusion.  What a difference!  I’m not suggesting questions or concerns weren’t hugely valuable (or indeed that ultimate outcome wasn’t what was exactly required),however it was the approach and attitude made a huge difference to me.  There was a lot of fear, a lot of focus on what wasn’t enough and how things were had been done in the past.  And there is a ripple effect – that ongoing attitude makes a huge difference to the results for myself and others.

And this difference has an impact on the bigger picture, the longer term results and ultimately sustainability for organisations.

When we operate out of fear our attention will likely be focused on one or more of the following:

  • Holding on tightly – maintaining, protecting something or an ideal which we think will be lost if we let go or embrace something different, especially something more radical
  • Resistance – to the new, different ideas, different paths, anything opposing our ‘ideal’ or current belief about how something should be or look like
  • Saying NO – pushing back, holding onto our ideal at all costs and picking holes in anything outside of this

There is a BIG cost to operating from such a fearful place, such as:

  • Impossibility – through the sheer focusing on what isn’t, openness is narrowed and ultimately willingness to see what is possible outside of what we know
  • Innovation – this requires openness, curiosity, willingness to take risks. How likely is this if we are focused on holding onto an ideal?  How likely are we to get creative and resourceful?
  • Alignment with reality – when we focus on what isn’t and holding onto an ideal we are not aligned with the reality of what IS. Something may not be working, particularly if we are not getting the results we want. We are missing the opportunity to get on with correcting this as our attention is on what
  • Engagement – from others, customers, partners, stakeholders, communities, supporters. How likely is it that others are going to want to be on board with such a fearful (negative) attitude?

I see a parallel … or some call it ‘you reap what you sow’.  I’m not suggesting in any way that there is a perfect approach, just that the approach we take and attitude we give out is reflected back.  Again and again.

So next time your results aren’t what you like them to be, take a moment to think about what you are resisting, saying no to or holding onto tightly.

Check out these 3 reflective questions:

  • Payoff – what do I get from holding onto how I think something should be? Or resisting being open to different ways forward?
  • Truth – what’s my worst case scenario? It is true (100%) that my fear will actually happen?
  • Cost – what is the cost to me and my organisation of holding onto what was? What opportunity may we be missing in the present?

Be curious, be open…see what happens…

Come and explore how to release move your state from fear to creative possibility, in a warm and welcoming environment, in my FREE online taster session for The Power of Purpose course.

Join me for an FREE online taster session on Wednesday 23rd March 6-8pm.

I’d love to see you there…

FREE tickets here: Book FREE Online Taster for Power of Purpose

What’s Your Persona?

all the world is a stage

I was reminded this week in various client sessions how easy it is to get into acting with a ‘persona’ – in or out of the workplace.  There it is…our trusty blanket comes out when there is uncertainty in some shape or form.  Some of mine used to be ‘I’ve got it all sorted’ or ‘look confident’ or ‘be smart’.    One of my biggest was being nice, pleasing and accommodating.  Now I do very much want to accommodate if I can, however something used to get lost in my ‘nice, pleasing and accommodating’ and that was ME.

There are of course many different personas, some may be placating or ‘nice’…others may be more aggressive and out there so to speak.  Be strong, confident, be loud, be first, sound like I know what I’m talking about, be tough, be in control, be nice, make them laugh, be the hero…the list is endless.

Thing is, the persona is essentially faking it – presenting a person that looks like you, sounds like you but is not actually the real you.   What’s going to happen if you are the real you?  What would the consequence be?

As Marianne Williamson said, ‘our fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us’

The persona and maintenance of it can lead to the constant picking holes in ourselves and living a fearful existence.  Sometimes even paranoia, the slightest comment from someone sends us into a spiral of self-doubt and fear about what others think of us.

Trouble is, all this ‘persona’ or fakeness usually entails a severe lack of openness and honesty – and this my friends does really not bode well at all if we want to create and maintain connecting and sustainable relationships.  And the persona will certainly not be a sustainable foundation if you are looking to become a high performing leader or organisation.

It sure can be tough, going into work day after day and ‘performing’.  What about all those other people who seemed to have it licked?  They look so at ease!

I have many clients that have said, ‘if I show any weakness everyone will think I’m not good enough at my job. I have to be strong for my staff’.  Well that’s very admirable to care deeply about one’s staff and the effect on the bigger picture, however when we present a persona we encourage others to do the same.   This, I suggest, in the long run does not support you, the organisation or your staff.   More often than not our personas are based on a range of assumptions that may or may not be true.  When we hide our humanity, we hide reality.

I challenge you to stop and consider the following about your persona(s):

  • What persona am I presenting? – most of us know when we are not being real at any given moment
  • What would happen if you are the real you? – there will likely be a list of consequences that your mind has ready for you
  • Is your list of consequences true? – really? How do you know the future?
  • What payoff are you getting from keeping your persona? – are you hiding out from stepping up or sticking your head above the parapet?

Go on, have a go at being real – at least once a day.  See what happens.

Come and explore how to identify and be the REAL you, more of the time in a FREE 1:1 45 minute coaching discovery session with me.

I can’t wait to hear from you…

FREE 1:1 coaching discovery session…book here: Book FREE 1:1 Coaching Discovery Session

The Power of My Purpose

PoP-CD-168x165 - small

I started writing this post thinking I should write something interesting, eye-catching – compelling even.  Instead I am choosing to share with you the truth, what teaching The Power of Purpose really means to me and what I think is possible from my own experience.

I took The Power of Purpose myself in early 2011 and I went in thinking YES!  this is the course for me.  I am going to have this one licked.  I am really goal orientated, I am determined and I’m achieving – what can this course possibly offer me that I don’t know already?  I went in believing I knew how to be purposeful and I’d just have a few extra tools to use to my advantage.

What I learned is that being mindful about purpose isn’t about ticking a list (I do like a ‘to do’ list) or how much I’m getting through in a day.  Being on Purpose is about being clear about what I REALLY want, my heartfelt purpose for wanting it and what that really means to me.  This empowers me to make discerning choices to stay on track.  Even if that’s challenging or doesn’t look like I thought it would.  I can always course correct.

My purposes now are mindful, deeper, grounded and held by a strong vision of what difference I want to make in the world – and to myself.

When life throws those (sometimes massive) curve balls, I now have the tools to get off the hamster wheel, stop beating myself up and get back on track.  It’s an ongoing daily purpose in itself to be conscious of my purpose and not get distracted by a number of other things that I could be doing instead or things that come my way (ooh look a shiny object!).

You see I grew up believing there was a certain way to be and a particular path to follow to be successful, and I believed I had to survive by playing along.  Get a good stable job, get good grades, get a pension – be setup for life etc.  The truth is I never wanted that.  I wanted more.  What I wanted was to have the freedom to find my own path, to put my energy into work that I cared deeply about and that for me would make the difference.    And I wanted to empower others to do the same.

So here it is…teaching this course for me is about freedom, reminding myself and teaching others to use the tools that will liberate them from a life of demands.  This is the difference I am committed to making in the world.  I want more people to know that they can motivate themselves by consciously choosing rather than driving themselves through fear of what they will be or look like if they fail.  I want more people to live and go for the life that they are truly capable of and not be limited by their beliefs about themselves, others or life.  I want people to know they always, always have a choice.

For me this powerful course is about mindfully raising awareness of what gets in the way of my deepest purposes so I can consciously choose what to do with this information – rather than getting carried along.  When I am on purpose in this way I am ‘at cause’ rather than ‘effect’ of what comes my way.  I see different possibilities, I get much more creative AND discerning.  And very importantly I get to be mindful, improve the quality of my experiences and I’m much more present to enjoy the journey!!!  This is such a different perspective to what can happen when I end up ‘just trying to get through’ or driving myself to do more and more, quicker and quicker.  When I am in that frame of mind whatever I do isn’t enough.

We all have our own story and the truly amazing things is our story can be a powerful basis for our life purpose.  This is what I am learning now.  I am looking forward to hearing some of the stories, wants, challenges and visions for those who will be on the journey with me in the next Power of Purpose course.

Come along to a taster event running in Hertfordshire on Tuesday 10th November 4:30-6:30pm

FREE tickets here: FREE Power of Purpose taster – book!

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